Letter Etiquette Guide

Writing condolence letters requires sensitivity and genuine care. These guidelines will help you express sympathy appropriately.

When to Send Condolence Letters:

• Death of a family member, friend, or colleague


• Serious illness or major loss


• Divorce or separation (if appropriate to your relationship)


• Job loss (in some circumstances)


• Natural disasters or other traumatic events

Timing:


• Send as soon as you learn of the loss


• Within one week is ideal


• Better late than never - don't skip because time has passed


• Follow up in a few weeks with a check-in

What to Include:

Opening:


• Express your sympathy directly


• Mention the deceased by name


• Acknowledge your relationship to them

Body:


• Share a positive memory if you knew the person


• Highlight their positive qualities or impact


• Avoid clichés like "It was God's will" or "They're in a better place"


• Don't try to find meaning in the loss

Closing:


• Offer specific help if you can provide it


• Let them know you're thinking of them


• Sign with warmth but respect their grief

What NOT to Say:


• "I know how you feel" (unless you've experienced identical loss)


• "Everything happens for a reason"


• "At least they didn't suffer" or similar minimizing phrases


• "Call me if you need anything" (too vague)

Better Alternatives:


• "I'm thinking of you during this difficult time"


• "Your mother's kindness touched so many lives"


• "I'll call you next week to see how you're doing"


• "I'd like to bring dinner on Thursday - would that work?"

Special Considerations:


• Keep religious references appropriate to their beliefs


• Don't share your own grief stories unless very relevant


• It's okay to keep it brief - sincerity matters more than length


• Consider sending a card instead of a letter if you're not close